Before I get into some of my sexual stories, I am warning you they can be, and will be graphic. I am also warning you that although this is about a couple of Mormons getting it on the first few times, it is not about Mormon beliefs. I know I will be posting this many times over, but the fact that we are Mormon is not completely at fault for our lack of knowledge in the bedroom, but it is partially to blame at least for my husband. But not all Mormons are as clueless as he was, ...sadly, I think it may have been just my husband.
We were dating. I had just converted. I believed with my whole heart that chastity was the way to go. But I had spent 20 years of my life making out, hitting up second base, nearly sliding into third but chickening out, and dreaming of that elusive "O" they talked about every once in a while on Oprah. So suddenly finding myself alone on a green, musty sofa with my Mormon boyfriend, I was scared that my sexual impulses would get the better of me and I would break a very big, very important rule, only 2 weeks after officially becoming a Mormon. I was wrong. Making out with him did turn me on, it did make me feel all fluttery inside, but then I broke away for air and saw how "excited" he was too. He saw me looking, turned bright red and said,
"I know you are probably ignorant of this. I'm sorry, it just happens to me sometimes. I can't really control it..." to which I replied,
"honey, it's an erection, and no, it's not a sin. It's okay. It happens. It's a good, healthy thing."
He became very red and indignant and said,
"An erection is not healthy. It is my body's red flag pole,...A warning against crossing the invisible chastity line in my heart."
If you would like to hear the story of how I ended up married to this poor, sheltered Mormon, please, stay tuned.
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