We were in the limo. We had just gotten married. FINALLY. It felt so nice to know that this wonderful, perfect man was going to be my husband forever. That we were finally going to be able to touch each other below the neck and beyond the wrist. It was going to be perfect. It was going to be magical. It was going to be the best night of my life.
And then we started making out in the limo. We were both really flustered and embarrassed, but I wanted to have a little bit of fun before we got to the reception, so I put his hand on my breast for the first time. He instantly pulled away. I felt a rush of heat to my face, the humiliation of his slight rejection of my body hurt me.
"I'm s-sorry,.." I stammered, sitting farthur back on the seat. He wiped his face with his hands.
"No it's okay, I want to, I just don't want you to get milk on your dress."
I looked up. "Um...WHAT?"
He took a breath and spoke up.
"I just don't want you to ruin your dress by getting milk on it,...you know if I touch you there..."
Nope, I wasn't lactating. He just thought that that was what boobs did. All the time. I sighed. maybe it was going to be a long night afterall....
OMG that is the most hilarious thing I have heard in a while. I really look forward to reading your blog.
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ReplyDeleteOh my GOSH. God bless you, darling!
ReplyDeleteOh my GOSH. God bless you, darling!
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